This morning started out being very stressful as I was taking A on a school field trip to go ice skating. I was also volunteered to drive her friend. But watching those two girls together just made me so angry and frustrated that I could raise such a disrespectful and ungrateful daughter. They were acting very immature and crazy but also disrespectful to me and A's family. I honestly could not believe that she has turned out this way and she's only 7 years old. I hate to imagine what she will be like as a teenager if things do not change.
Afterwards, it was a busy day at work with more stress about lack of work/business due to increasing competition.
By the evening, the day gets progressively more stressful when I find out that my mom has been asking ML and AW for money. These are the facts that I understand:
- Mom makes more money than I do even though she is retired.
- Mom spends lavishly on restaurants, casinos, and trips to Asia.
- Mom has asked AW for $20,000 so that she can pay her $40,000 tax bill.
- Mom has been regularly asking ML for money which she assumes that 7E intended to give mom in her legal will (even though it is not written in the will)
- Mom always says that she has her finances in control and says "don't you want me to enjoy myself?"
- the average Canadian FAMILY income is $60,000 per year. My mom makes twice that amount but can not pay her bills.
- I make less than my mom
- I rarely go out for any form of entertainment and do not spend lavishly on anything.
- I try to save as much as I can to make sure that my kids grow up healthy, happy, and have a good education.
- I try not to borrow money from anyone
- I try not to rely on anyone for money and would rather save up on my own.
- I am always worried about mom losing all of her money at the casino after she worked so hard to build up her business to be successful
- I work hard and do my best to be a good father
- I know that mom has not been happy lately because of the Bell's palsy, the deaths of her mom, 7E, and other siblings
- I know that 7E did not want to leave money to mom because she was afraid that my mom would gamble it all away. My 7E, on her deathbed, was concerned about my mom's gambling problem.
Now, I am:
- sad that my mom makes ML, DL (and family), 4E (and family) all sad and concerned because of her poor spending habits or gambling problem.
- stressed that everyone in the family/extended family knows that mom has a problem but can not do anything about it
- stressed that I have suddenly become part of the "sandwich generation" where I may have to support both my kids and my mom financially
- sad that I will have to scrimp and save more while my mom "enjoys herself" at other people's expense
- envious that my mom gets to travel so much when I have to work so hard
- shocked that my mom has so much income (and continues to have so much income) but has not managed to save anything and must ask others to pay for her
- sad that my mom does not admit that she has a problem with gambling and finances
- sad and stressed that I do not know what to do
- sad that while I know that life is not fair, I did not think that my mom would take advantage of her children
- sad that mom makes ML (and everyone else) feel sad, worried, and stressed
- stressed about my work, my family, and my mom
While I do not have that much money, I will offer my mom money from my kids' (her grandkids') education savings account if she really needs the money that badly. I will just scrimp and save some more - but I am used to it. I will be sad and stressed, but maybe it will help my mom and maybe help make my family a little less stressed - at least for a little while. I will offer her the money only if she participates in Voluntary Self-Exclusion from the casinos and gets help for gambling addiction.
I will have a harder life so that my family and my mom will have a good life. But I am concerned about my health.
I just wish that my mom would seek help for her problems and trust her kids (ML, DL, CC) to help her as we are not young ignorant kids anymore. We are responsible adults that have the knowledge and expertise to come up with solutions both personally and professionally.
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