On July 16th (Saturday) AW stayed overnight at the hospice.
On July 17th (Sunday) 5:50 am, AW called my mom to inform her that 7E's breath was getting tight & heavy for 2 minutes & then 7E passed away peacefully. We all rushed to the hospice & prayed for 7E until 10 am. Since they are Buddhist, they believe that they should not touch the body for at least 4 to 6 hours. The hospice was ok with that request and did touch the body for 4 hours. So at 10 am, the nurses started cleaning 7E & then put on clothing socks & shoes.
Mom already prepared all the clothing. 7E told her a week ago what she wanted to wear: new pair of socks & new scarf that she just bought from HK.
AW called "A Basic Cremation Co" to pick up 7E's body at 10:30 am.
The Cheng family left the hospice at 10:20 am because they did not want to see 7E being shipped away. Mom gave a cheque of $1000 to the hospice as a donation on behalf of 7E, as per her request.
AW signed a contract with the cremation co. They will do the cremation after 7 days as per their request. Legally they cannot do the work until 2 days after death. So we have to pay extra for storage, i.e. $20 per day for 5 days.
7E did not want any viewing or ceremony and did not want anyone to have the ashes back. It is illegal to scatter ashes on land ourselves. So the company will scatter the ashes at sea with extra charges. They only do that twice a year so it will be done around Sept. 2016
Mom requested 5 copies of death certificates @$27. They will give the certificates to AW in about two weeks when they collect the fees of total approx $1500.
7E wanted everything simple and economical.
She did not want us to tell that many people.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Friday, July 15, 2016
20160715 - Depression
CF has recently been having a fair number of breakdowns caused by depression/unhappiness at work and at home.
At work, she has been working almost 2 jobs (FTEs - full time equivalents). She is being a trooper by working as hard as she can to meet her deliverables and prepare for meetings, but there is just too much work. A job posting recently went up at FH and she applied. I'm sure that she would have been well qualified for the job, but that department did not hire her likely because her boss did not want to lose her. Now, CF is suffering by sticking with the job where they have promised her that things will change by the end of summer (whenever that will be... no fixed date has been set.) I am sad that she tries so hard at the job when it is apparent that they either do not appreciate her at work, or the system at FH is simply too flawed to fix things. I am sure that she can easily find a job elsewhere, but there is some so solace in sticking with FH for the benefits and the job security (15 years for her). She works long days - sometimes up to 12 hours.
Compound the job concerns with the fact that she works out in Surrey and has to take the Pattulo Bridge to get to work. She has to wake up early to avoid some of the heavy traffic as the bridge is currently under maintenance repairs and will be for several months. The traffic/commute continues to stress her as it takes time away from her spending time with the kids.
CF does not really need to work since a single income still leaves us in a comfortable financial position. But she wants to work. She wants to be able to buy whatever she wants without impacting our joint finances. And she says that she wants to live in a bigger house. While I still think that our house is just the right size for us (we just need to clean it up), she has always wanted a bigger yard for the kids to play in, and she wants a bigger house for entertaining guests (not that we currently have much time to entertain).
At home, well, the kids are seldom at home - only home on the weekends. Currently, it is summer break and the kids are at Grandma's house every day. Grandma has to hand feed the kids (and chase them down to feed them) as they are too lazy to feed themselves and are too spoiled now. The kids are currently not doing very much as no one is able to take them to places during the week. I think CF feels obligated to take the kids out to do activities all the time. But my thinking is that the kids often have fun just playing together at home and/or with mom and dad.
A is always lazy at home and does not listen to us when we ask her to do her homework. We just want her to do well in school and are following the teacher's advice that she work on her writing and math. But it is always a struggle. While A has shown proficiency in piano, she has decided that she does not want play - and this has made CF and I a little sad.
R has shown interest in many things, but he has started to show signs that he also does not want to do work (like Mandarin homework). He is currently interested in playing piano with mommy, but there is often little time to practice.
CF has been upset that it seems like Grandma is raising the kids instead of us.
And whenever CF and I are at Grandma's house, there is little that we can do while we are there since the kids take a couple of hours to eat dinner (in front of the TV), or they are taking a bath, or they are pooping. Being at Grandma's house means that yes, there is food prepared. But we can not work on our own house and we can not enforce our own rules for the kids.
CF has indicated that recently, Grandma has been spending a lot of time in the garden and visiting her friends. Maybe Grandma needs more time for herself lately? I'm not sure.
CF upset about lack of family/family values. We do not often see CC's family members and they do not seem to take much interest in seeing the kids either. It is almost as if CC is estranged from his family for unknown reasons. The CC family never wants to burden anyone. And everyone seems to think that CC is always overburdened and stressed out. So much has changed in CFs family and it bothers her quite a bit. Divorces/separations, illnesses/deaths, financial concerns, and other changes have happened over the last 10-15 years. I try not to focus on the sadness, but try to look to the positive changes. For example, Uncle G may be a bit estranged from the family, but at least he seems happy with J. JS is separated from her kid, but she seems happy with C. And all of the aunties are busy being grandmothers.
CF's brother is always working and does not see the kids very often. Usually he is locked in his room and the kids are in front of the TV or tablet. It is not an ideal situation. But I think the kids still love their uncle and at least seem him every day if only for a moment.
CC probably spends a little too much time at work and not enough time with the family. But my guess is that is related to the attitude issues with A and the time wasted to wait for her to eat and do homework. Speaking of which, I am probably going to have to start putting A straight to the naughty corner as soon as I get to Grandma's house so that she can waste her own time there instead of everyone else's time.
Recently, there have been some illness in our families. Uncle S passed away after a long bout of cancer. And now, Aunt N is also struggling with cancer after only being diagnosed in January 2016. She likely does not have much longer.
I know that I do not spend as much alone time with CF as I would like. It is due to our limited time - time spent on work, time spent on the kids, time spent on the house, and time spent on trying unwind after being stressed out about all of the things above.
I love CF because:
CC
At work, she has been working almost 2 jobs (FTEs - full time equivalents). She is being a trooper by working as hard as she can to meet her deliverables and prepare for meetings, but there is just too much work. A job posting recently went up at FH and she applied. I'm sure that she would have been well qualified for the job, but that department did not hire her likely because her boss did not want to lose her. Now, CF is suffering by sticking with the job where they have promised her that things will change by the end of summer (whenever that will be... no fixed date has been set.) I am sad that she tries so hard at the job when it is apparent that they either do not appreciate her at work, or the system at FH is simply too flawed to fix things. I am sure that she can easily find a job elsewhere, but there is some so solace in sticking with FH for the benefits and the job security (15 years for her). She works long days - sometimes up to 12 hours.
Compound the job concerns with the fact that she works out in Surrey and has to take the Pattulo Bridge to get to work. She has to wake up early to avoid some of the heavy traffic as the bridge is currently under maintenance repairs and will be for several months. The traffic/commute continues to stress her as it takes time away from her spending time with the kids.
CF does not really need to work since a single income still leaves us in a comfortable financial position. But she wants to work. She wants to be able to buy whatever she wants without impacting our joint finances. And she says that she wants to live in a bigger house. While I still think that our house is just the right size for us (we just need to clean it up), she has always wanted a bigger yard for the kids to play in, and she wants a bigger house for entertaining guests (not that we currently have much time to entertain).
At home, well, the kids are seldom at home - only home on the weekends. Currently, it is summer break and the kids are at Grandma's house every day. Grandma has to hand feed the kids (and chase them down to feed them) as they are too lazy to feed themselves and are too spoiled now. The kids are currently not doing very much as no one is able to take them to places during the week. I think CF feels obligated to take the kids out to do activities all the time. But my thinking is that the kids often have fun just playing together at home and/or with mom and dad.
A is always lazy at home and does not listen to us when we ask her to do her homework. We just want her to do well in school and are following the teacher's advice that she work on her writing and math. But it is always a struggle. While A has shown proficiency in piano, she has decided that she does not want play - and this has made CF and I a little sad.
R has shown interest in many things, but he has started to show signs that he also does not want to do work (like Mandarin homework). He is currently interested in playing piano with mommy, but there is often little time to practice.
CF has been upset that it seems like Grandma is raising the kids instead of us.
And whenever CF and I are at Grandma's house, there is little that we can do while we are there since the kids take a couple of hours to eat dinner (in front of the TV), or they are taking a bath, or they are pooping. Being at Grandma's house means that yes, there is food prepared. But we can not work on our own house and we can not enforce our own rules for the kids.
CF has indicated that recently, Grandma has been spending a lot of time in the garden and visiting her friends. Maybe Grandma needs more time for herself lately? I'm not sure.
CF upset about lack of family/family values. We do not often see CC's family members and they do not seem to take much interest in seeing the kids either. It is almost as if CC is estranged from his family for unknown reasons. The CC family never wants to burden anyone. And everyone seems to think that CC is always overburdened and stressed out. So much has changed in CFs family and it bothers her quite a bit. Divorces/separations, illnesses/deaths, financial concerns, and other changes have happened over the last 10-15 years. I try not to focus on the sadness, but try to look to the positive changes. For example, Uncle G may be a bit estranged from the family, but at least he seems happy with J. JS is separated from her kid, but she seems happy with C. And all of the aunties are busy being grandmothers.
CF's brother is always working and does not see the kids very often. Usually he is locked in his room and the kids are in front of the TV or tablet. It is not an ideal situation. But I think the kids still love their uncle and at least seem him every day if only for a moment.
CC probably spends a little too much time at work and not enough time with the family. But my guess is that is related to the attitude issues with A and the time wasted to wait for her to eat and do homework. Speaking of which, I am probably going to have to start putting A straight to the naughty corner as soon as I get to Grandma's house so that she can waste her own time there instead of everyone else's time.
Recently, there have been some illness in our families. Uncle S passed away after a long bout of cancer. And now, Aunt N is also struggling with cancer after only being diagnosed in January 2016. She likely does not have much longer.
I know that I do not spend as much alone time with CF as I would like. It is due to our limited time - time spent on work, time spent on the kids, time spent on the house, and time spent on trying unwind after being stressed out about all of the things above.
I love CF because:
- She is my best friend
- She is beautiful
- She is a great mom
- She works harder than anyone I know
- She always makes time for those special moments with family
- She is strong and independent
- She give me her "I did something wrong smile" whenever she did something wrong
- She likes to plan everything out
- She is very organized and keeps everyone in line
- She cares about people
CC
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)